Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
