I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You pole danced in your parka.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
