Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
