Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
