Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
