but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
