He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We have so much sex to catch up on
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
