was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
