well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Still dying that you shit outside
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
