Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
