i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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