Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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