you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
