I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
