what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
