I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
