You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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