2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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