I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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