So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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