i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
