Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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