Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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