I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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