Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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