so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
