How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
