The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
