the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
