you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
