Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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