get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
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He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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