grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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