dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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