I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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