and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
