I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can you bring me the toilet please
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
