Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
