And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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