i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
