Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
