sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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