well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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