I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
