I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
