So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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