I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
