I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
