4 words: hood of his car
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
