Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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