the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
