Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
