I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
