i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
