Don't you send me to vm
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
