guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
