I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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