We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
