Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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