she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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