it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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