remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
