yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can you bring me the toilet please
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
