The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
