Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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