I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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