i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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