Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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